Author Topic: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...  (Read 12227 times)

Gypsy Jazmine

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Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« on: August 11, 2006, 07:52:56 pm »
I am still crying every day without fail...Some days just a tear or two & some days God awful heart wretching sobs that tear away more of my soul...Honestl y I think the shock is not completely wore off yet...I find myself in the middle of my life & what that entails & then I'm caught almost completely off gaurd & blindsided by my grief...Seriou sly, is it "normal" to grieve so deeply?...& today I realized that I still feel I failed no matter how much my logic tells me that is an unreasonable feeling...I put my ALL into her & thought we were in the clear, breathed a loving & triumphant sigh of relief & BAM!!...In the blink of an eye all of it was null & void...An "empty ringing in my head"...I reeled from the shock for quite some time & now the real pain is setting in...I've meant to many times & STILL haven't found the right time to lay her (her ashes) to rest...I think I am putting it off because I don't want her to be "gone"...I wonder if "finalizing" it all will give me peace & closure?...Just random thoughts from my heart & mind & ty for listening....I still miss my sweet Rosie. :'( :'( :'(
« Last Edit: August 11, 2006, 07:57:55 pm by Gypsy Jazmine »

Offline krismark

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2006, 09:10:12 pm »
I hope you are not grieving so badly because you are uncertain of your self. You did every thing you could and that was the best gift Rosie could have asked for. You didn't fail....you blessed her with the time she gained under your care.


I had a dog die under very sad circumstances and I still cry when I think of him, but then I hug my dogs and start smiling again. I hope you get over your grief soon. I think it is normal for someone with such a big heart to feel the way you do, but hopefully you will soon move past this stage and on to one where you can just simply enjoy her memory.

Offline MagicM3

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2006, 09:44:52 pm »
No it is not weird to grieve,and everyone needs to do what they need to do.

This one is for you

I stood by your bed last night,
I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying,
You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly
As you brushed away a tear,
"It's me,I haven't left you,
I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here"

I was close to you at breakfast,
I watched you pour the tea,
You were thining of the many times,
Your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today,
Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels,
I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today,
You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you,
That I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house,
As you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you,
I smiled and said "It's me."

You looked so very tired,
And sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know,
That I was standing there.

It's possible for me,
To be so near you every day.
To say to you with certainty,
"I never went away."

You sat there very quietly,
Then smiled,I think you knew...
In the stillness of that evening,
I was very close to you.

The day is over...
I smile and watch you yawning,
And say,"good-night,God Bless,
I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you,
To cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you,
And we'll stand,side by side.

I have so many things to show you,
There is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...
Then come home to be with me.

Author Unknown

Gypsy Jazmine

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2006, 01:37:58 am »
Thanks guys...I'll be alright...Yest erday was just one of the "bad hurtin" days...It seems to get worst close to the date we had to let her go.
I really think that things are starting to settle for me & that's why it is worst now...In a way it's a good thing because I know I have to go through this to heal.

Offline LuvmyMal

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2006, 05:13:17 am »
I feel that you did what you knew had to be done under the circumstances. I had a sick dog when I was younger that developed cancer in his testicles and mouth and due to unforseen circustances, we could not care for him the way he needed to be cared for go I gave him to my Nana, he passed after 3 wonderful years with her after they took everthing out where the cancer was, this was about 3 years ago, I still cry when I think about him and look at his little pictures. You gave Rosie a wonderful life and showed her more love than she ever knew. She is still with you each and every day watching and helping you.

Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2006, 05:32:33 am »
Aw, hon!  Don't feel you shouldn't still be grieving! Grief doesn't follow a schedule like we think it should.  Thor has been gone since November.  I think I cried almost every day until March when I got Carter.  Honestly.  It is only now that I think about it that I realize that Carter HAS filled the void left by Thor.  It took quite a while though even after Carter came to really fill that void, but at least the serious grieving stopped when Carter came.  I trust Carter around people more than I ever could trust Thor so despite the bond that I had with Thor that isn't quite there with Carter, there is a different kind of relationship.  I'm not as uptight with Carter as I was with Thor.  Then there was Scout.  I still only feel relief at doing the right thing with him.  Even so, there was that "Pyr void" when he was gone until we got Thor.  Thor though was the love of my life.  I think when there is a deep bond, that the loss takes a long time to work through.  Despite Rosie's issues, you seem to have had that bond with her and even though you've gotten another female, it will likely yet take a while to work through the loss. 
Daphne

Offline kathryn

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2006, 06:07:55 am »
Last year I had my first ever big paw and one of the best dogs I have ever had PTS.  Barrett (Bear) was the sweetest and smartest dog I had ever had.  When I first saw Bear at the breeder's house I just knew he was my boy.  That next morning after we got him Michael left for work and then came back into the bedroom to get something and Bear jumped up with his eyes closed stood over me and barked and growled at Michael.  This was a 10 week old puppy.  I still miss him everyday even though I have the girls and Shiner.  In fact, I had been needing to get another male dog when Shiner fell in our laps.  I still have a Bear-size hole in me.  As much as I love Shiner I'm not sure that he will fill this void but you never know.  Perhaps he'll grow into that space.  I hope so.  Anyway, this is a long response to let you know that you aren't alone and sometimes it takes a while to heal.  But you only heal at your own rate and only your heart will know when that is.  It's taken me a long time to learn that lesson.
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Offline Saint and Mal mom

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2006, 06:36:12 am »
There is no set time of when grief will stop. And don't let anyone tell you that there is! That's a lie. Time doesn't heal all wounds, as much as it can help, it may not heal. And it's still very soon. I went through something very hard this year in February, and somedays and nights I cry myself to sleep still. And I think to myself, when will it feel better? When will it stop? And it never leaves my mind and it hurts very much still. But I have to go on. And you do too. Rosie would want that, and Sheba, Pippin, and Sam need you to also.
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Offline doglover

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2006, 07:17:55 am »
I can so relate, it has been 2 months sense our Rebel died of cancer and I too still grieve, alot.

MagicM3 that was a very touch poem and it made me cried.

Offline eightdogs4me

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2006, 04:43:44 pm »
Don't think there is something wrong with you, there isn't.  Rosie was a very special dog, it wasn't her fault, nor was it yours.  She just couldn't get over her nasty demons.  You did everything you could for her and she had a better life because of it.

I still grieve for my GSD, Boss who I lost April 18th of this year.  He was old and it was his time, but he wasn't mentally ready to go, but physically, he was.  I had the hardest time making the decision, but it was the best for him.  It was the first time in my life I've had to make that decision for my own pets.  I've made it for foster dogs which broke my heart, but not near as much as this did. 

THe hole in my heart has gotten smaller, but it will never close because Boss left with a peice of it.  Rosie will never be gone from your memory or your heart, but time will lessen the pain.

*hugs*
Emily and the gang

Anakalia

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #10 on: August 12, 2006, 05:05:31 pm »
Awww hun, you can't turn off the grieving period.  Heck, I STILL bawl when I think of my cat Missy, and she's been gone for over a year.  Lots of hugs from me AND Koby sends his slobbers!  :-*

Offline moonlitcroatia

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2006, 05:31:06 am »
We love you Gypsy. We love you for all you do for your dogs. We love you for the love you feel for them and how you care for them.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Gypsy Jazmine

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2006, 07:09:19 am »
We love you Gypsy. We love you for all you do for your dogs. We love you for the love you feel for them and how you care for them.
Darn Moonlit....I just posted on your thread about Lou passing :'( & then I read your post here...Yup, I'm crying but that's o.k....When Rosie passed someone, I can't remember who, said that tears wash the soul clean...I believe this to be true.
Ty Moonlit. :-*

Offline GrumpyBunny

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #13 on: August 27, 2006, 11:10:19 am »
I am still crying every day without fail...Some days just a tear or two & some days God awful heart wretching sobs that tear away more of my soul...Honestl y I think the shock is not completely wore off yet...I find myself in the middle of my life & what that entails & then I'm caught almost completely off gaurd & blindsided by my grief...Seriou sly, is it "normal" to grieve so deeply?...
I don't think there is any "normal" - it takes as long as it takes.  You can't impose a time limit on your emotions. Two months is not too long to still feel the pain - but, I don't think two years is either.  Cabo has been gone about that long and I still feel his loss horribly deeply every day.  I think an important turning point is when you can stop obsessing over their deaths and start just thinking about their lives and letting yourself smile.  I probably didn't express that all that well, but you know what I mean...   :-\
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Gypsy Jazmine

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Re: Almost 2 months gone...I'm no better...
« Reply #14 on: August 27, 2006, 02:05:24 pm »
I am still crying every day without fail...Some days just a tear or two & some days God awful heart wretching sobs that tear away more of my soul...Honestl y I think the shock is not completely wore off yet...I find myself in the middle of my life & what that entails & then I'm caught almost completely off gaurd & blindsided by my grief...Seriou sly, is it "normal" to grieve so deeply?...
I don't think there is any "normal" - it takes as long as it takes.  You can't impose a time limit on your emotions. Two months is not too long to still feel the pain - but, I don't think two years is either.  Cabo has been gone about that long and I still feel his loss horribly deeply every day.  I think an important turning point is when you can stop obsessing over their deaths and start just thinking about their lives and letting yourself smile.  I probably didn't express that all that well, but you know what I mean...   :-\
I know exactly what you mean & you expressed it perfectly!
I know what part of the reason is...We still have not layed Rosie's ashes to rest...There always seems to be a reason why it isn't a good time...My white Rosie bush is flourishing... I  bought it & planted it to mark her final resting place & honestly, just seeing it there everyday, it seems to call to me to lay her down & let her go...I know enough about psychology to understand why we haven't buried her yet...I need to make the right time very soon. :(