I'm posting this here at BPO, because I don't think most people would understand my viewpoint.
Why do human beings have to be so needy? My bf has an anger problem. He blows up over things I most often don't even remember, says hurtful things he does not mean, doesn't speak to me, and then apologizes profusely, says he'll get help, and then remains pretty nice until the next explosion. Well, this time he exploded three nights ago when I was cooking food for Greta. Lou passed the previous Friday and for the past nine years I've dreaded the day my dogs leave, so now is a touchy time as it is. Greta was not eating anymore, so I cooked chicken breasts for her one day, then purchased groceries and cooked the next. When my bf found out that the food I cooked was not for him he flew into a verbal tyrade, cursing and condemning me. All I could do was tell him my observation: that he was pouring off hatred and that he should be happy that his son is visiting and that he is alive.
For me, the moment he blew up was a special moment. As Gandhi taught "Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well." I was fulfilled after making the meal for Greta because I know she has little time left and it is my duty and wish to make her as happy as possible. I figure that human beings can cook and take care of themselves; besides, I don't cook much anyway, so there was nothing out of the ordinary about the situation.
Let's say that this blow-up at this particular time was a "coup de grace" or a final blow, the last straw. The emotional strain caused me to realize that I probably do love dogs more than any other living creature I've come into contact with. I rationalize my point when I imagine having a relationship with someone who loves horses, who spends all of their time on a ranch, etc. Why would I be jealous of the time spent with horses? If anything I would be happy that the human I was bonding with was able to show such kindness and affection toward another species. The idea of being jealous is absurd.
I told my bf today that I am unable to cope with the bouts of anger. If he reacts this way over whatever it is I cannot foresee, how will he act when something extremely trying occurs? Not as if losing Lou did not cause him to cry all day, but I feel he needs to seek help for himself and by letting him go at this point, in hopes that he will take care of himself, I am doing so out of love.
I'm not necessarily asking for advice here, because I know that is unreasonable. I just want to share this dilemma, because you are dog lovers, too. At the same time, if you have something to say, please feel free as I am probably emotionally stunted at this point and may be making a rash decision. Only time will tell.