Author Topic: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak  (Read 6904 times)

Offline moonlitcroatia

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Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« on: September 01, 2006, 09:12:17 am »
I'm posting this here at BPO, because I don't think most people would understand my viewpoint.

Why do human beings have to be so needy? My bf has an anger problem. He blows up over things I most often don't even remember, says hurtful things he does not mean, doesn't speak to me, and then apologizes profusely, says he'll get help, and then remains pretty nice until the next explosion. Well, this time he exploded three nights ago when I was cooking food for Greta. Lou passed the previous Friday and for the past nine years I've dreaded the day my dogs leave, so now is a touchy time as it is. Greta was not eating anymore, so I cooked chicken breasts for her one day, then purchased groceries and cooked the next. When my bf found out that the food I cooked was not for him he flew into a verbal tyrade, cursing and condemning me. All I could do was tell him my observation: that he was pouring off hatred and that he should be happy that his son is visiting and that he is alive.

For me, the moment he blew up was a special moment. As Gandhi taught "Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well." I was fulfilled after making the meal for Greta because I know she has little time left and it is my duty and wish to make her as happy as possible. I figure that human beings can cook and take care of themselves; besides, I don't cook much anyway, so there was nothing out of the ordinary about the situation.

Let's say that this blow-up at this particular time was a "coup de grace" or a final blow, the last straw. The emotional strain caused me to realize that I probably do love dogs more than any other living creature I've come into contact with. I rationalize my point when I imagine having a relationship with someone who loves horses, who spends all of their time on a ranch, etc. Why would I be jealous of the time spent with horses? If anything I would be happy that the human I was bonding with was able to show such kindness and affection toward another species. The idea of being jealous is absurd.

I told my bf today that I am unable to cope with the bouts of anger. If he reacts this way over whatever it is I cannot foresee, how will he act when something extremely trying occurs? Not as if losing Lou did not cause him to cry all day, but I feel he needs to seek help for himself and by letting him go at this point, in hopes that he will take care of himself, I am doing so out of love.

I'm not necessarily asking for advice here, because I know that is unreasonable. I just want to share this dilemma, because you are dog lovers, too. At the same time, if you have something to say, please feel free as I am probably emotionally stunted at this point and may be making a rash decision. Only time will tell. :'(
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Kiahpyr

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2006, 09:17:39 am »
I understand how you feel. You made the right decision by letting him go. You don't need to feel berated or threatened in any way. Verbal abuse often leads to physical. I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself.

I once had the same problem, but my bf at the time was drinking. I told him many times I wouldn't put up with. He said he would get help and never did. So I said good-bye and hoped he would get the help he deperately needed. I'm sad to say that he never did. :-\

Offline DixieSugarBear

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2006, 09:19:17 am »
Sending a cyber hug, only you know what is in your heart. Greta needs you and you need her there is nothing wrong with that.
Lisa, owned by the following:
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Dixie Darlin - Great Pyrenees 4 yr.
Penny Lane - Great Pyrenees 2.5 yr.
Beauman - Great Pyrenees 14 months
Izzy - Great Pyrenees 14 month
Rosie - Great Pyrenees (at the bridge)

Offline Kermit

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2006, 09:23:12 am »
Thanks for sharing that story. I'm sorry you have to deal with even more stress as if losing Lou was not enough. :'(

I have been in a similar situation to yours. I had a former boyfriend "accuse" me of loving my dogs more than I loved him. Suffice it to say, the relationship did not work out.

I have to agree with you too about the anger issue... if this is how he handles finding out you didn't cook for him, how is he going to react when something really serious happens???

Hang in there, and remember, as a dog-loving woman you are definitely not alone!!! :-*

Offline NoDogNow

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2006, 09:26:15 am »
You got out just in time, believe me. We have an abusive person in my family, and the verbal crap is just a signal.

My advice? Even if he gets counseling, now that he's out the door, don't ever let him back in. Counseling works less than half the time, and you deserve better than him.
Sheryl, Dogless and sad

Offline moonlitcroatia

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2006, 09:34:47 am »
So it goes that perhaps our dogs save our lives.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Offline Nina

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2006, 11:11:09 am »
You did the right thing.


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Offline K9ldy00

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #7 on: September 01, 2006, 01:23:06 pm »
You did the right thing. There is someone out there that you can share your life with who love dogs as much as you. You don't deserve any crap right now when your dealing with your furbabies needs. We are here for you.
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Offline shangrila

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #8 on: September 01, 2006, 01:59:47 pm »
I am sorry you have to deal with this  :-\

I think that you are making the absolute right choice to put you and your dogs first in your life and let him go. It is not a matter of his vs. the dog, it is a matter of him using the dog as a scapegoat for his anger and abusive temper
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Offline MagicM3

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #9 on: September 01, 2006, 02:31:38 pm »
Quote

I agree,Dogs do save our lives everyday ,and in this case I think listening to your heart and your inner self you made the right choice.

It really had nothing to do with the dog.it was him and him alone.

Tricia and the fur kids.

Gypsy Jazmine

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #10 on: September 01, 2006, 04:51:26 pm »
Moon...Please know that we care & understand...Y ou just don't need that crap right now!...I am sending BIG hugs!

Offline Miranda

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #11 on: September 01, 2006, 05:02:01 pm »
My sympathies, but you're right to let him go. Maybe in the future he'll get better.
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.  ~Phil Pastoret

Offline navarre1316

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #12 on: September 01, 2006, 05:10:20 pm »
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It really had nothing to do with the dog.it was him and him alone.

I agree, you had what I like to call your AH-HA moment.  I had one of those too, many years ago.  I actually left him a couple of times, but went back out of habit.  The last time I left, I was standing in the doorway and he was laid out across the bed sobbing like a baby (literally), and I started to take a step into the room when this little voice in my head said "stupid bi#@%, leave now while you can".  And I walked out.  Being in your calm moment probably helped a lot, and yes you were doing something for Greta, but I don't think it had anything to do with the dogs.  Good luck to you, enjoy Greta, and isn't it nice to breathe easy??  By the way, from time to time I talk to my ex's father....he says he's still a s@#t!!
God placed me on this earth to accomplish certain tasks...I'm so far behind I'll never die!!

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Offline longshadowfarms

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #13 on: September 02, 2006, 03:21:26 am »
So it goes that perhaps our dogs save our lives.

Very true!  It may hurt now, but I think you've seen the wisdom of letting this bf go.  Even if it never turned to physical abuse, the verbal is bad enough.  You do deserve better.  Cyber hugs to you in this difficult time!
Daphne

Offline Nixx

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2006, 10:26:59 am »
I recently seperated from my Husband (who I should point out was a dog lover) just posting to say it's hard when a relationship breaks down so in that respect I know what you are going through.

On the other hand if in the future I were to meet someone else and they couldn't accept my dogs, they would be out the door before their feet could touch the ground.  Dogs have always, always been a very big part of my life.  I only live by two Rules now...Love my daughter, Love my dogs!  If a man cannot accept my daughter or my dogs then he's really not worth knowing  :)