Author Topic: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak  (Read 5791 times)

Offline marinafb

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #15 on: September 03, 2006, 02:50:28 am »


Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.
- Carl Sandburg
Freya-9 years collie shepard mix
Milo-6 years Pitt Bull
Bryce-3 years English Mastiff
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Offline moonlitcroatia

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #16 on: September 03, 2006, 08:06:31 am »
Wow! I am grateful and astounded at the words of wisdom and support. I am sticking by my guns. I have the feeling that he thinks he will have a chance to reconcile, but I read that it is wise to bore angry people out of a relationship and be firm. So that is what I'm doing. I think it's an unwise move to allow "talks" or that sort of thing, unless I have control of logic and keep to the cut and dry.

And that's what I've been doing! I hope after my guests leave he doesn't flip out. That's a chance I'll take, I guess. He hasn't made any kind of threat, though. I think it will be fine.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Offline MSF

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #17 on: September 03, 2006, 11:52:26 am »
I'm a bit late with this but here goes anyway.
Moon, take it from someone whose been there-done that.
Not sure I should post this, some folks can be real judgemental. But here goes.

I have been in a position where I gave up my beloved animals to please a husband and try to save a marriage a few years back.
I regret it to this day.
I carry the guilt and wonder how they are doing to this day.
If I could go back in time and change things I would.

I was married, and for you this is just a boyfriend.
Thank your lucky stars you aren't having to deal with a divorce.
#1 from reading your post this whole thing has NOTHING to do with your dogs, it has to do with your ex boyfriends anger issues, his need to be controling and emotionally and verbally abusive to you.
PLEASE, NEVER give up on who you are, what you love and your dreams for any man. NEVER.
If the man loves and respect you and himself, he will become part of your dreams, not ask you to be someone or something you're not.
Take it from someone who knows. I'd rather live in a house with a dozen dogs than one human who is nasty, negative and misrable.
For those who may judge what I did,
When I placed my beloved 4 legged babies, I was emotionally distraught, depressed, and had a husband who was about to leave me at the end of the month with rent soon due, a car in his name only and hours away from family.
I did what I had to do at the time, and no I wouldn't do it again, if I had to do it over again, I would of dumped the husband.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2006, 12:01:25 pm by MSF »

Offline moonlitcroatia

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #18 on: September 03, 2006, 01:14:39 pm »
Yes. There is no question about whether I will choose my dogs over a boyfriend. Everyone who knows me personally is aware that I will live in a car with my dogs, rather than give them up. In this case, the house is mine and the dogs are my family, so they will stay no matter what.

Part of the reason I posted here is strategic. I felt that it would provide the support I need to remain steadfast in my decision. I can't say that I didn't see this coming, because I've pondered in my own mind what I am willing to put up with. While I did give him a few chances during the last year, because I understood he was dealing with a lot and I wanted to be supportive, there does come a time when enough is enough. I feel it is the best decision that we end our relationship.

They say to be boring, so that is what I've been doing. For the past couple of months I've given him signs that he is pushing me further away with his anger issues. I told him a few months ago that every time he has a negative attitude or tantrum during the weekend I feel different about the relationship. He, too, knows in his heart that I've had enough, because when he called me at work on Friday to act like nothing happened, sweet talk, and apologize, I noticed that he approaches it like this:

"Hey, hon. How are you?"
"Fine," I said.
"Hey, I was really out of line the other night. I think we both were."
"Hmm," I said. "It's complicated--hard to put into words. How do I say this?"
"What?" he said. "You want to call it quits now or something?"
"Here's where I'm coming from..." (I proceed to tell him.)
To this he answers, "So...you've had enough?"
"Yes."

Still, I believe he thinks there is a chance he can talk me out of it. This morning I asked him how long he needs the cell phone, since it's in my name and I have a contract. I told him I'd absorb the cost (basically, I am going to get a different number and share the plan with someone else rather than cancel and pay the fee). He said that he'd pay for it and to that I said, "I think it's best if I take responsibility for it."

He answered, "I think that's a good idea, too."

I've noticed he does this: makes a statement that is half apology, half attempt to rope me into the blame game, then when I respond he immediately doubles back and tries to agree or state what he thinks I want to hear.

I told him quite a while ago when he'd have his tantrums and storm out without saying anything (of course he'd always pack his stuff and act like I should be grateful he gave me the time of day) that eventually, when I make up my mind, it will be final.

After about the third time he did this I stopped responding. I let it go. I waited to see if he'd carry out his threats and, sure enough, he was back apologizing and saying he'd go to anger management classes, but he never did.

Right now I'm feeling pretty refreshed at the idea of being alone. This year I'll be working on my thesis, plus working a full-time job, so I don't need all the hassle and drama.  ;)
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Offline zanie

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #19 on: September 03, 2006, 01:27:53 pm »
I am late weighing in on this, Moon, but I just wanted to tell you how strong you are to do this. 

NEVER EVER EVER lose yourself.  It's much easier to keep firm grasp on who you are now than it is to try and reclaim yourself after you've been in a long-established relationship/marriage (experience talking here!  currently going through this while working on our marriage  :-\ )

Be strong and do what your heart, head and gut tell you. And give your pups a hug.  They will be true to you always.
"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive." - Gilda Radner

Seattle, WA

Offline moonlitcroatia

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #20 on: September 29, 2006, 06:15:27 pm »
He moved into his own place yesterday. It was rather unpleasant for quite a while, because his attitude was bad. Now, at least, I can concentrate on school and the pups.
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive.  ~Gilda Radner

Gypsy Jazmine

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2006, 04:11:10 am »
He moved into his own place yesterday. It was rather unpleasant for quite a while, because his attitude was bad. Now, at least, I can concentrate on school and the pups.
Moon, you have your focus & priorities straight...Goo d for you!...Hang in there...I am thinking of you! :-*

Offline aggghgmom

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Re: Boyfriend vs. Dogs = Heartbreak
« Reply #22 on: September 30, 2006, 01:24:50 pm »
I'm sorry to add my 2 cents so late but I thought I posted and don't see anything so I guess I didn't.  Add me to the crowd that commend you on being mature and realize what is right for you before you made a bigger mistake down the line.

I hope you  are doing OK now and that you are taking comfort in your animals.  Someone better will surely come along who will appreciate you, your animals and the love you give to them.

Best of luck