Author Topic: Ponderisms  (Read 2854 times)

Offline MagicM3

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Ponderisms
« on: January 04, 2007, 08:24:07 pm »

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Offline schelmischekitty

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Re: Ponderisms
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2007, 08:25:54 pm »
lol thanks for the good laugh!
steffanie in atlanta

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Offline TannerW

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Re: Ponderisms
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2007, 10:41:24 am »
Those are all great, but these were my favorite 3:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Funny stuff. ;D Thanks for posting.

Anakalia

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Re: Ponderisms
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2007, 10:48:19 am »
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Those are hilarious! I think this one was my favorite, Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Sooo funny.  ;D

Offline TannerW

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Re: Ponderisms
« Reply #4 on: January 09, 2007, 10:51:52 am »
I'll use any excuse to say the phrase 'dangly things' in everyday conversation, so this is right up my alley.