Author Topic: Pet Rules  (Read 2319 times)

Offline Butts Mom

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Pet Rules
« on: January 05, 2007, 08:21:46 pm »
I got this in an email from my Mom and thought it was cute.I did modify a few things to include my birds.I can't leave them out,they can scream and bite harder then Butt can!!!

PET RULES

  To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose heightor next to the cages.

  Dear Dogs and Birds,

  The dishes with the paw and claw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

  Please note, placing a paw or claw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

  The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

  I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

  For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage  to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,  bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not required.

  The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog butts. I cannot stress this enough!

  To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

  To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets:

  1. They live here. You don't.

  2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.

  3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

  4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.Or screams as loud as he/she can,bites any foreign fingers entering their cages and with birds,"shit" does really happen!!!

  Remember:
  Dogs and birds are better than kids because they:
  1. Eat less
  2. Don't ask for money all the time
  3  Are easier to train
  4. Normally come when called
  5. Never ask to drive the car
  6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
  7. Don't smoke or drink
  8. When they misbehave they can be locked in a cage and I won't have CPS called on me.
  9. Don't want to wear your clothes
  10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
  and...
  11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their
  children
Michelle, Butt, Tub and Everybirdie

Offline annerose

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Re: Pet Rules
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2007, 09:22:19 am »
[PET RULES

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
Quote

a King Bed... wow.. I have a double bed and either I or the dog end up on the edge/floor at least once a night..
:P