At much urging, I have been asked to share my story.
Araby (ie the Harpie) is Matt's baby, and our firstborn. As such she went to the doctor for any little ailment and our vet often laughed at us from behind the wheel of her Lotus. (No S*** our vet really drives a Lotus). Well one night she was in pain, her stomach really bothered her and she walked around fussing constantly. First thing I thought of was bloat and we rushed her to the vet. They took X rays and found nothing, they did blood work and nothing showed up. She was obviously in pain and they wanted to keep her for observation. Matt and I were beside ourselves and drove the hour round trip drive twice a day so we could visit her. It was horrible to see her in that much agony, big amber eyes wide and scared. She was there for three days when we got a call from the vet. Bracing ourselves for the worst, Matt and i both picked up an extension.
Vet: "You can come pick her up now."
Me: "She's OK? Or do we need to bring her home to....."
Matt: "To what? TO WHAT?!?!"
Vet: "Oh no no no, she is better now."
Me: "Thank God!"
Me: "What was it?"
Vet: "It'll be best if iexplain at the hospital"
So we fly down to the hospital, and are greeted with a $1,238.48 bill for all the tests and boarding and stuff. We were so happy that we were getting our baby back we whipped out the plastic (Even though it would put us over our limit, but our baby was safe!). The vet came in , took us to a room where they brought Araby out who was jumping off the walls like she hadn't a care in the world. We were so happy to see our little girl, so I asked the Doctor (Miracle worker that I thought she was) what had happened.
The vet hemmed and hawed and said that the pressure build up in the abdomen was was relieved by a flatulence episode this morning. Matt was happy with this, but I have a Doctorate in BS, and said "SHE FARTED?!?!?!" The vet blushed and explained that Araby had been doing very poorly and a vet tech had been sitting with her non stop. There was a "Puff" and an "Odor" from her cage and then she was bouncing around. I made this face
"You mean to tell me we spent over a thousand dollars on a God D*** F***ing FART!?!?!?! All your Bull S*** degrees and equipment and tests, you couldn't tell me that my dog had a F***ing GAS BUBBLE?!?!?!" No wonder they gave us the bill first.
This story has since, been referred to as the Thousand Dollar Fart.